The C.R.U.D. CEO is proud to announce that C.R.U.D has had ONE new recruit and TWO new volunteers for torture in recent days.
Frodo Baggins, the CEO’s long haired chihuahua, has happily accepted the opportunity to join
C.R.U.D. after an entire week of de-stuffing several abominations of nature. The remains of the victimized monstrosities, while completely unidentifiable, will remain on display as currently strewn about the CEO’s living room floor. Frodo has been quoted as saying, “GRRRrrrrr, RUFF, RUFF, gggrrrruff ruff ruff rrrrrruuuuufffff”! The enormous potential shown by this budding rookie is encouraging to all and serves as an inspiration to those of us who truly take heartfelt joy in the destruction of these hateful waste of creation! Watch future issues for updates on Frodo’s endeavors.
Leo the snowboarding lion has volunteered to serve as a spokes-lion on the necessity of submitting to the dominant species (humans). Leo will enjoy the many psychological benefits of his tour of duty as public example.
Stupid the Clown has also volunteered for duty but has not, as of yet, been assigned a responsibility. Currently Stupid the Clown is wedged between the computer and printer on the CEO’s desk, waiting patiently for whatever may come his way. Stupid has been overheard telling himself that his sacrifice is for the greater good of all stuffed monstrosities. Future issues of this newsletter will cover whatever the future has in store for Stupid. Keep watching.

Volume 1, Issue 6

New Recruits

May 9, 2002

Special points of interest:
New Recruits
Operation “Sit –n– Spin”

CRUD Gazette

Coalition for the scientific Research and Understanding of little, stuffed Degenerates (Fighting for the right to keep and educate stuffed slaves)

OPERATION “Sit—n—Spin”

Leo the Lion has met with a life threatening but lesson teaching accident. While snowboarding on a recent AWOL excursion, Leo failed to notice a low hanging tree branch. Traveling at reckless speed Leo hit the tree branch squarely and was separated from his legs. At the same time a wayward tree branch pierced his backside allowing much of his stuffing to ooze out, leaving Leo less than stuffed! Since his return Leo has been placed on the coat rack to demonstrate the stupidity of going AWOL and risking an accident that leaves one helpless to the whims of a human. Leo now admits that his current position has allowed him the insight to recognize the error of his ways and understands that his disobedience must be and will be punished with an appropriate torture. Leo shows his remorse most obviously when he tries to move only to realize that the only motion he is capable of is painfully spinning in place on his perch! It is unlikely that Leo will attempt to go AWOL again in the near future. Lesson Learned!

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This story can fit 150-200 words.
One benefit of using your newsletter as a promotional tool is that you can reuse content from other marketing materials, such as press releases, market studies, and reports.
While your main goal of distributing a newsletter might be to sell your product or service, the key to a successful newsletter is making it useful to your readers.
A great way to add useful content to your newsletter is to develop and write your own articles, or include a calendar of upcoming events or a special offer that promotes a new product.
You can also research articles or find “filler” articles by accessing the World Wide Web. You can write about a variety of topics but try to keep your articles short.
Much of the content you put in your newsletter can also be used for your Web site. Microsoft Publisher offers a simple way to convert your newsletter to a Web publication. So, when you’re finished writing your newsletter, convert it to a Web site and post it.

This story can fit 75-125 words.
Selecting pictures or graphics is an important part of adding content to your newsletter.
Think about your article and ask yourself if the picture supports or enhances the message you’re trying to convey. Avoid selecting images that appear to be out of context.
Microsoft Publisher includes thousands of clip art images from which you can choose and import into your newsletter. There are also several tools you can use to draw shapes and symbols.
Once you have chosen an image, place it close to the article. Be sure to place the caption of the image near the image.

This story can fit 100-150 words.
The subject matter that appears in newsletters is virtually endless. You can include stories that focus on current technologies or innovations in your field.
You may also want to note business or economic trends, or make predictions for your customers or clients.
If the newsletter is distributed internally, you might comment upon new procedures or improvements to the business. Sales figures or earnings will show how your business is growing.
Some newsletters include a column that is updated every issue, for instance, an advice column, a book review, a letter from the president, or an editorial. You can also profile new employees or top customers or vendors.

Volume 1, Issue 3

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123 CRUD Ln.
CRUDville, CR 12345

Coalition for the scientific Research and Understanding of little, stuffed Degenerates (Fighting for the right to keep and educate stuffed slaves)

1-800-MUT-ILTE

E.L.F. is Evil! Down with E.L.F.!

Organization

Volume 1, Issue 3

E.L.F. IS EVIL!

Twisted Tales Of Toy Torture!
When I was a little kid about seven years old, my mom bought me a Mr. Robot. You know what they are? They're about two feet tall, all different colored wheels and plastic, with a hat and mouth that opened and everything. One day I thought he was cold, so I put him on top of the radiator. We had a forced-air, hot-air furnace that used to come out of the floor. The next thing I knew, he had turned into a little six-inch tall, dripping glob of plastic blobs. I cried--it was my coolest present, and I went and broke him!
CEO’s Thoughts:
This person is truly worthy of a membership to C.R.U.D. as this example clearly shows. He could go far with the right mentoring in the art of stuffed animal torture! Send in your thoughts, ideas, suggestions and perhaps you will be chosen for a feature in the C.R.U.D. Gazette!
E-mail: mjb.andchiz@verizon.net